Sunday, November 28, 2010

Fake it 'til you make it

I'm not sure if I'm under the weather or I have PMT or post traumatic stress disorder from becoming a parent but some days the enormity of raising a little human being feels so stressful. There are moments when I just curl up on the floor and have a bit of a cry.

When people ask if it's worth it (which they do) I say it's the best thing in the world but the hardest thing I have ever done. I have this massive amount of respect for parents now because I feel this background level of constant anxiety that Lucia is getting everything that she needs, enough food, enough stimulation, enough education, enough tummy time, enough sunshine, enough sleep..... that she will grow up to get the right education, find the right path in her life, the right career for her, the right life partner and that she will do all those things with no pain, sadness or hurt (which is impossible).

She is a constant joy and a constant concern.


5 comments:

Sonia said...

I totally get that. The fact that you worry about all these things means she is going to turn out awesomely! But try not to worry, easy for me to say I know :)

Leonie said...

Being a Mum is hard. There's no two ways about it. But you gradually learn which things to really worry about and which ones to let time answer and others that seem so big to you now will in fact be so small by the time you get to them. The thinking about them and the being worried by them is a wonderful indication of your love for bub and your sincerest wish for her to have a wonderful life. Some things in life you just have no control over, so you control the things you can and you just have to learn how to let some of the other things slide. You are not alone at all, my husband regularly came home to find me sitting at the bottom of the driveway waiting for him to get home from work (sometimes for more than an hour), with baby in my lap watching the cars go past because if I had've stayed in the house any longer I would have gone completely mental. Do you have a Mother's group or Playgroup for first time mothers that you attend? If not your local maternal and child health nurse should be able to put you onto one. It will help to see others in the same boat as you, we all gain all sorts of insights from the ways others handle the same situations as us and Mother's group is a fountain of examples.

Leonie said...

PS. Sorry, that was a real essay LOL!

KatinSpace said...

My mothers group was really small (just 6) one girl was getting married, one baby had an operation and one mum had an operation, so more often than not there was just two of us and at the last meeting just me :( but I have all their numbers and I'm going to try to breathe some life into the group :)

KatinSpace said...

Thanks for taking the time to write an essay :) it's like mothers group online :)